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Fantasy-land Fodder
The Occidental Tourist · April 8, 2002

You'd think that the airlines would 'get it' by now, right? That they don't own the divine right to 90 percent of our long-distance trip options anymore. Post 9/11, people have discovered that trains, buses and cars are more attractive options in many cases, given concerns about security and extended time spent going through the screeners these days.

You'd think they'd say, 'Hey, unlike the hotel, rental car and other travel industries hit hard by 9/11, we got a huge government bailout. The government bailout was designed to keep us going and, thank goodness, most of us are. At the very least, since the government bailout is paid for by our customers, we owe them the very best when it comes to standard, customer service.'

Of course, all of this is fantasy-land fodder.

Take Delta, which, in a recent experience that illustrates the airline's high degree of arrogance, dissed the Tourist in a big way.

The Tourist and his family were eagerly planning to get into Orlando early in the day to enjoy an afternoon doing the Disney thing. This is because we booked a morning flight. People book morning flights while on vacation because they want to make the most of the day. Otherwise, a 'vacation' day is lost as a 'travel' day.

But without any notice, the 10 a.m. flight from Dulles to Orlando was cancelled outright. We received no letter in advance to alert us to this. And get this, readers: We ONLY found out by calling to confirm that Delta had our frequent flier account information, the day before the scheduled flight. The only other feasible flight was a 2 p.m. takeoff.

Could you imagine how horrible the experience would be if the Tourist hadn't called? Six hours in an airport with a disappointed - OK, screaming - toddler? Even without the six-hour wait, it wasn't exactly a pleasant experience, as we had to tell the lad that any fun scheduled for that afternoon was nixed at this point.

Now, you'd think Delta's 'customer service experts' would pretend that they gave a damn.

Guess again.

The customer service reps were so cavalier, as if this was 'no big deal,' that they simply made a bad situation worse. After writing a very businesslike summary of what happened, Delta's alleged customer response link at www.delta.com failed to reply. (And denied failing to reply when I finally got a human being on the phone. Funny. Everyone else who was trying to send the Tourist e-mail at the time didn't have a problem. Maybe the Delta reps didn't press the 'send' button.)

The bottom line was this, as stated to the Delta reps:

"I, as a customer, committed to you as an airline by paying my three tickets in full for my wife and son. You, as an airline, failed to hold up your end of the agreement by canceling a flight to save on operating costs. I, as a result, lost vacation time and have to change our pre-set plans in Orlando to adjust because of your decision.

Therefore, I am owed as a customer a rebate on my ticket price. No other remedy shall be deemed acceptable. A dismissal of my complaint shall be interpreted as further cavalier treatment by your airline. We, the customers, have options for future travel that include your competitors, whether other airlines or other modes of transportation."

Well, that really got a productive response. Suffice to say, Delta doesn't take into consideration the impact they have on real people's lives when they cancel these flights without notice. They babble about some invisible 'policy' that prevents any sort of rebate on the expensive tickets. In other words: We do what we want to do when we want to do it. Tough luck.

Pretty arrogant attitude for an airline that was sniffing and sobbing all the way into the taxpayer's pockets, no?

As a footnote: The initial unpleasantness with Delta aside, the post 9/11 experience in Orlando is actually quite good. The last time I wrote readers, I strongly urged the use of tricks like going to the left-most gate when picking a line, or using the various services out there that allow you to essentially go through a much shorter line by 'reserving' specific windows of time to board a ride.

No need to, for now. Lines were a breeze at places like Animal Kingdom and Sea World. (An astonishingly short 20-minute wait for Animal Kingdom's safari attraction!) (The Tourist's advice: Get in the Orlando thing while school is still in session. Heck, what's the big deal about the kids missing a week of school? If they haven't learned it by now, they're not going to suddenly get smarter in the last few months of the year ...)

And, lastly: If you're looking to streamline your time spent in actual parks - saving money and energy in the process - consider junking one of the days and making up for it with either a Pooh characters breakfast or dinner. The characters are out in full force during the meals, which are either fixed meals or buffets presented at a more than reasonable price - unheard of usually, when it comes to Disney. When it comes to really young children, seeing the characters is what it's all about anyway. No need to blow $50 on a day at the park when the lil ones are napped out by 10 a.m.

The Occidental Tourist is a magazine writer in Washington, DC. He writes for Maxim, POV, Capital Style and ABCNews.com. His column appears on Tuesdays. E-mail him at tourist@ticked.com.