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Train Solution?
The Occidental Tourist · July 2, 2000

The Tourist's toddler son demands to watch a video every morning. Naturally, being a young lad, it has to be the same video every day. Now, if this were something akin to "GoodFellas," we'd have a delightful father and son experience. But it just so happens that he only wants to watch trains. Lots of trains. Over and over again.

So the Tourist settles back with the lad on his lap, watching "Conductor Dave" extol the virtues of spread-out seating, diner-table service and sleeper cars. Then, suddenly, it dawns on the Tourist that this could be the solution to much of his problems with traveling: the downright cavalier if not hostile way airlines treat coach-class customers.

This week and next, the Tourist will explore the competitive edge Amtrak (a.k.a., the Microsoft of passenger rail) is seeking by launching a high-speed, high-end line. And let him know whether you'd opt for a train instead of a plane at tourist@ticked.com, and don't forget your city/town of residence.

At 168 mph, Amtrak's new Acela set a North American speed record for a passenger train in November on a test run between Warwick and Kingston, R.I., according to media accounts. (That's only TWO miles an hour slower than President Clinton bolted down Pennsylvania Avenue the first night Hillary was out of town ...)

Whether Northeastern business travelers abandon air travel in similarly swift fashion is Amtrak's $20 million gamble. The Tourist's sleuthing finds that the company couldn't have picked a better time to woo the corporate commuter. Fed up with increasing carry-on restrictions, ever-shrinking seat space, heightened security measures and being treated with as much respectful devotion from airlines as Rick Rockwell got from Darva on their honeymoon, frequent flieers are fed up and starting to wonder whether there really is, well, something about a train ...

"When you think about it," says transportation expert David Gosling, an Ohio Eminent Scholar in urban planning at the University of Cincinnati, "after parking in the airport long-term lot, waiting for the shuttle, checking in with baggage - by the time you're finished, you've spent more time and energy than if you traveled by train. Especially if a high-speed train is available."

No argument from the Tourist. Hell, he's mostly just tired of the coach-seat squeeze. Ever try reading a newspaper when someone has the seat reclined in front of you? The last time the Tourist did, he accidentally tattooed some bald guy's head with the Wall Street Journal logo! And try working on the computer. Just last week, the Tourist spilled beer all over the keyboard!

Editor to Tourist: Is that why I got this expense request for $2,000 under "Misc."? Then, another for $3?

Tourist: The $2,000 is slipping my mind. But the $3 was to replace the beer.

Anyway, that's not important now. The train option would bypass that situation entirely. Amtrak is now converting to electric rail service in the Northeast, to pave the way for travelers heading to Washington, New York, Boston and other high-demand cities to commute via Acela. Amtrak has expressed interest in expanding this service nationwide.

Certainly, Amtrak's Acela Express (which features limited stops) will present an enticing option for business travelers. There will be comfier seats and two exit doors per car, as opposed to one per plane. As the plans were being hatched, there were announcements of 19 roundtrips daily between New York and Washington at $140 one-way, and 10 roundtrips a day between New York and Boston at $130 one-way. With Motorola-designed ticket dispensers, customers will be able to pay on board via credit card.

From the Tourist standpoint, the pricing is almost approaching a competitive point. And even more so if it's on business travel and his bosses don't notice. (Tourist to editor: You can ignore that last sentence. It was never written. Really.) The business traveler market, obviously, is key here.

Gosling says the key is convincing business travelers that the train is safe, given publicity spats about accidents: "If the public perception is that it's safe, cheap and clean, and that it's far more comfortable than traveling coach in an airplane, there will be a change in thinking in the next century. Gasoline prices are going to rise and rise because oil is a finite resource. Probably, toward the end of the next century, it will no longer be a viable fuel for transportation. Amtrak trains will be electrified, and there are many forms of electrical generation."

Next week, the Tourist clues you in on what travelers think.

The Occidental Tourist is a magazine writer in Washington, DC. He writes for Maxim, Capital Style and ABCNews.com. His column appears on Tuesdays. E-mail him at tourist@ticked.com.