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A Tourist's Musings
The Occidental Tourist · October 27, 2003

The Occidental Tourist has more scotch-soaked musings from a year in travel:

• In taking his family for a week of hiking and swimming in Stratton, Vt., in the summer, the Tourist was pleasantly amused by the, ahem, level of honesty among the folks at Jamaica State Park. With the park built around the historic but defunct West River Railroad, there are tons of literature and plaques providing commentary on the track's storied past. But, unlike many historical society whitewashings, those Jamaica Park types don't hold anything back. Let's face it, this railroad was one big dud! Or, at least, that's what the literature says: "36 Miles of Trouble," a historic brochure headline reads. For the annual stockholders' meeting, "everyone who had a share in the railroad got a free ride ... dinner and a room for the night. Since the West River Railroad failed to ever show a profit, these events were probably the only returns reaped from the investment." (Enron shareholders can surely feel such pain.)
  
  
• Oh, and there are charming anecdotes too: "There is one story of a man who lost his false teeth out the train window while spitting his chewing tobacco. The train was stopped as passengers searched for the missing teeth." And here's a warm-hearted tale that seems to sum up the railroad's demise: "Vermont's stormy winters posed more problems for the West River Railroad. During winter journeys, some riders found themselves shivering in unheated cars, while others had to flee cars set ablaze by overstoked stoves. Trains were sometimes stuck in huge snowdrifts for days. While stranded, passengers sought meals at local farms, or as a last resort took eggs from the freight car and fried them over the firebox using coal shovels."
  
  Wonder if they did the coffee the same way?
  
  
• What exactly is the obsession - especially given that it's the 21st Century and people generally want to eat right - of restaurants still serving deep-fried garbage to tourists? You'd think we all still live in the Deep South in the early 1900s, given that when you order what sounds like reasonably good food while on vacation, you often end up with a plate of fried lard. The Tourist ordered a soft-shell crab sandwich in Ocean City, and, once he peeled away a three-inch layer of slimy batter, swore he heard the crab say "I've never felt so undignified in my life ..."
  
  
• Speaking of Ocean City - the most notoriously tacky of tacky beach towns (which can be a bad thing AND a good thing) - the Tourist again proved to himself that off-season travel is the way to go. He took the family during the regular season, and found, as usual, himself in a parking lot from the start of the trip to the finish. Traffic on the main Ocean highway was jammed. And the beach had about a square centimeter of remaining sand left for him and his lil' family to pitch a blanket. But just one week after Labor Day, it was a different picture. Not a 180 degree turn. But just enough to make for a smooth ride - in every conceivable way.
  
  
• In the amazing finds in the middle of nowhere dept.: Tourist couldn't get his family into a B&B to celebrate their birthdays in September because, apparently in a real 'family friendly' turn, many B&Bs don't take children. Really nice. Well, anyway, he did manage to find the Depot Lodge in Point Bank, Va., and was amazed. It was out in the middle of nowhere, north of Roanoke, Va., on a long stretch of mountain road. But, once there, he and his family were charmed by the rustic yet tasteful accommodations, and the personable, special catering provided by the folks running it. It was nicer than any B&B could provide.
  
  
• And, now, reader, an informal poll: The Tourist took his family to Harper's Ferry, W.Va., in fall. Interestingly enough, the park service indicated that it was providing no trash cans because of the costs, and had a plastic bag station there so visitors could grab a bag, pick up their trash as they went along, and deposit it elsewhere.
  
  Now, the "good'' Tourist concludes that this is a great idea. "People will take better notice and not only pick up their own trash with the bags, but pick up the trash of others," he says.
  
  But the "bad" Tourist arrives at a different conclusion. "People are selfish morons," he says. "They'll use the lack of trash cans as an excuse to dump anything and everything along the trails. God forbid they should have to take a bag with them and suffer any inconvenience."
  
  Apparently, this is actually a park trend that's been seen in a number of venues. Readers, will it work or not? Send e-mail, and the results will be delivered in a future column.

The Occidental Tourist is a magazine writer in Washington, DC. He writes for Maxim, POV, Capital Style and ABCNews.com. His column appears every now and then. E-mail him at ottravel@yahoo.com.