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Business Travel Hell
The Occidental Tourist · December 20, 2000

Here's a vision of business-travel hell, courtesy of the Tourist.

He's on travel with a Type-A go-getter. Y'know, the kind of no-life dweeb who books a 5 a.m. flight from the East Coast, so we're off and running in L.A. by 8 a.m. He then wants to schedule us a full day of work - then book a red eye at night - so we can both be back in the home office bright and early the next day.

Disgusting, isn't it? This is the type of annoying creature who gets by on three or four hours of sleep a night - and feels obligated to tell everybody about it. And when you even hint that you may require more, he responds with "No problem. You can sleep on the plane ..."

At this point, the Tourist gets surly: "Listen up, peppy boy ..." it begins. The Tourist doesn't sleep on planes. Period. He doesn't 'power nap' next to some idiot like him - who's keeping people awake after midnight with the glow of a Palm Pilot while he incessantly checks the next day's meeting schedule.

Here's the winning, alternative plan, courtesy of the Tourist: Book the flight two days ahead of any actual work, to give adequate 'prep' time in L.A. Preferably at a luxury hotel, poolside, while sipping scotch. Then, attend to the business appointment. But try to cut it short. Say, 'round noon. Then, retreat back to the hotel, take a nap, and order room service lobster and fine wine on the company's dime. The next day, book a flight no earlier than 9 a.m. After all, you don't want to get into the East Coast early enough to even CONSIDER going into the office that afternoon.

In fact, take that fifth day off as a comp day. After all, you just survived a brutal travel schedule. You need some rest.

In justifying what he likes to call a 'modified work pace' while on travel, the Tourist believes he has science on his side.

The Center for the Advancement of Health has found that sleep is as important to health as exercise, with a failure to rest harmful to the ability to think and function. Beyond that, a bleary-eyed person is at risk of being depressed and stressed-out. Who needs that? If the Tourist wanted to be around THOSE people, he'd never leave the office.

Still, too many roadbound executives are falling into the trap. Westin Hotels & Resorts also reports that roughly half of 600 traveling executives surveyed sleep worse on the road, and three-quarters return home with a clear need to catch up on sleep.

Not surprisingly, the airlines are doing everything possible to make it easier - but, natch, only if you shell out for upgraded class ticket: Fully reclining seats are emerging. Ten years ago, the distance between first-class seats on 777s and 747s from Boeing was 60 inches. It's now 80 inches, the company estimates. Up to 40 percent of those planes that the company makes - there were 122 last year - provide the 180-degree, reclining sleeper seats.

This gives airlines the opportunity to showcase extra luxury frills, albeit, not for lowly types like the Tourist stuck in steerage class: The United First Suite provides a flat, 6-feet, 6-inch bed on its international fleet. Noise reduction headsets, back-support systems and privacy screens are all part of the package. About 20 aircraft were converted by the end of last year. Similarly, American expects to have sleeper seats on all 25 of its 777s by the end of 2000.

At all 35 of the 747s deployed by Singapore Airlines, full-recline sleeper seats are available. These first-class, "SkySuite" seat passengers get a flat bed with sheets, pillows, down duvet and even a turn-down service inspired by four-star hotels. What's more, the airline provides Givenchy-designed, cotton pajamas so upper-crusty customers don't have to get their clothes all wrinkled up. (What's next? Bedtime stories read by French maids?)

OK, does that mean the rest of us coach classers are out of luck? Not necessarily. Next week, the Tourist clues you in on the little steps you can take to get some sleep on the road. And give him your inside skinny on the subject at tourist@ticked.com.

The Occidental Tourist is a magazine writer in Washington, DC. He writes for Maxim, POV, Capital Style and ABCNews.com. His column appears on Tuesdays. E-mail him at tourist@ticked.com.