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(c) Elliott Publishing.

Strange Shows
The Occidental Tourist · August 16, 2000

Last week, the Tourist uncovered the wonderfully twisted conventions that put The Annual Widget Makers Conference to shame. Here's more. And send the Tourist your strange convention sitings at tourist@ticked.com, and include your full name and city/town of residence:

Surprisingly, "Size Matters!" is not the slogan for the Erotica Expo in New York on June 15-18. ("Sit back and watch 'The Erotica Dancers' perform one of their Broadway caliber dance routines," the promoters promise.) But "Size Matters" is the slogan of the National Petroleum Show in Calgary, Alberta, on June 12-15. (Unfortunately, in the case of the Valdez, size did matter. But the Tourist think that's what the petroleum people meant.)

The Tourist likes hanging with guys. After all, he is a guy. So say, he's with guys, sitting around, trying to come up with an excuse to get out of the suburbs. And say we all decide to go somewhere different this time, like, maybe Belgrade, Yugoslavia. Well, wait no more: The Brewing Festival kicks off at the World Trade Center Belgrade on June 15-18. Just don't trip over any landmines on your way back to the hotel after too many samples.

But you can pretty much get the same thing accomplished on safer terrain at the Budweiser-sponsored Big Boys' Tech & Toy Show in Tallahassee, Fla., on June 17 and 18 (850/599-2367). This event pretty much sounds like guys in paradise: Bud girls, a beer-tasting area, three interactive sports games, a Bud Light Bubble Boy Hockey Game and a virtual skeet shooting game. And, of course, power tools.

Who says that information technology types are nerds? At the American Association for Artificial Intelligence National Conference from July 30 to Aug. 3 in Austin, Texas, those wacky AAAIs are gonna try to get a robot to be dropped off at the front door, register as a volunteer, perform tasks and even give a speech. OK, just give the techheads some credit for trying to liven things up. Maybe after the speech, they can get the robot to down tequila shots, scream "ROAD TRIP!" and go tip some Texas steers.

The International Jugglers Association heads to the University of Quebec in Montreal from Aug. 1-5 for the 2000 IJA Summer Festival. More than 500 jugglers are expected and, if they're careful with the silverware, everyone should emerge unharmed.

Gentlemen, start your engines. The 9th annual national challenge of the U.S. Lawn Mower Racing Association kicks off in Indianapolis on Sept. 1 and 2. Races will be filmed for Speedvision. Wonder if, just like at the NASCAR events, people show up just to see the wrecks?

The 2000 Friends of Old-Time Radio Convention is set for Oct. 19-22 in Newark, N.J., and organizers are hoping to land the talents of none other than Jackson Beck (star of "The Cisco Kid") and Rosemary Rice ("I Remember Mama"). But the real draw here could be the great Arthur Anderson, whose many crowning achievements include playing the Lucky Charms leprechaun.

The Occidental Tourist is a magazine writer in Washington, DC. He writes for Maxim, Capital Style and ABCNews.com. His column appears on Tuesdays. E-mail him at tourist@ticked.com.