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(c) Elliott Publishing.

Buy Three, Get One Chump
Charles Leocha · June 22, 2003

Last month I needed to fly to Philadelphia from Boston. It was going to be a quick trip. Down in the morning and back to Boston in the evening. I checked schedules and everything was OK; then I looked at airfares.

They have to be kidding.

Round trip airfare to Philadelphia from Boston - an easy six-hour drive each way - cost more than $850. I checked into the next week and found round-trip tickets for about $250.

I don't know whether the flights I was checking left with an 80 percent load, but I do know that I was not on those next day flights. I'm positive that seats were available. I'm positive that the airlines lost my fare which would have been virtually pure profit - a last minute ticket on a not-full aircraft at the last minute. (We used to call this standby.)

I flew on Southwest from Manchester, NH. The airport takes just about the same time to reach from my home. Parking there is a dramatic bargain when compared to sky-high rates in Boston. The walk-up fare was $75 each way. My rental car from BWI for the day was only $36 through Hotwire.com. Philadelphia was less than two hours away.

Total cost for the trip turned out to be $200 including gasoline, plus perhaps two-and-a-half extra hours of my time.

When are the airlines going to learn to provide a fair service at a fixed fare? I am tired of having to decipher airline code to get to the best fares.

I love the Southwest Airlines pricing matrix, which clearly shows me all available fares and flight times.

I hate having to keep plugging indifferent scheduled departures, time after time, searching for a low fare on other airline sites.

I hate being taken for a chump by thugs masquerading as pricing executives.

After all these years, who has the pricing matrix down to a profitable science?

I'll answer that. Southwest Airlines.

They understand their market. They have been joined by AirTran and JetBlue which also have simple, easy-to-understand, fair and logical fares structures.

The major airlines still haven't learned the basic lesson. Price your product fairly and produce a customer-friendly product and the public will march regularly to your door.

The latest boondoggle - or the Buy Three and Get One Free - is a farce. Who in their right mind would fall for that crock? The only flights that count are costly "business" fares. And, as they say in the late-night TV ads, "There's more!" The bonus ticket is even more restricted than a normal fully restricted, Saturday-night-stay ticket that might retail for $300 or less.

At the end of this column, I have posted some of the limitation on the "Free Ticket" that passengers will be awarded for flying three business flights.

Balderdash! It still is easier to deal with honest airlines, rather than the majors who play continuous games of deception. Even when they are purportedly giving flyers the tickets "for free."

The fine print for United's Fly Three Get One Free can be found at on its Web site. Here are some excepts:

Blackout Dates for Travel on Free Ticket: The free ticket will not be valid for travel on the following dates: November 26, 29, 30, 2003; December 1, 20, 21, 22, 23, 26, 27, 28, 29, 2003; January 3, 4, 5, 2004; February 12, 13, 14, 15, 21, 22, 2004; March 12, 13, 14, 19, 20, 21, 26, 27, 28, 2004; April 9, 10, 11, 16, 17, 18, 2004; July 2, 3, 5, 6, 2004; September 3, 4, 5, 6, 2004; November 24, 27, 28, 29, 2004; December 18, 19, 23, 24, 26, 27, 2004.

Booking Class for Free Ticket: The free ticket will be booked in W, S or T booking classes in Economy Class. Seats are limited and may not be available on all flights or on all days of the week when you travel.

Advance Booking Requirement for Free Ticket: Travel on the free ticket must be booked at least 14 days in advance of departure.

Min/Max Stay Requirement for Free Ticket: Travel must include a Saturday night stay. The maximum stay is 30 days.

Charlie Leocha is the Boston-based author of Travel Rights: Know the Rules of the Road and the Air Before You Go. Cheap Charlie appears every Monday on this site. E-mail him at leocha@aol.com or access his Web site.