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(c) Elliott Publishing.

Travel Rage Institute
Err Travel · December 26, 2000

I recently heard of a new manifestation of rage: Hotel Rage.

My first thought was that another heavy metal band had trashed its hotel suite, but that wasn't the case. Instead, it was some businessman who went ballistic when he found out that his confirmed reservation would not be honored due to "overbooking."

My second thought was that I'm missing the boat - again. My personal history bears out my worry. I was always the last to catch the wave of every craze that came along. I was the last to buy bell-bottoms. (I missed the leisure suit fashion altogether.) I've yet to adopt a total quality management style, And just this week, I was pondering adding ".com" to my business name.

Well, I'm not going to miss this fad.

I'm announcing the founding of The International…no, make that The Intergalactical Travel Rage Institute. The function of the Institute will be to treat travelers who suffer from Travel Rage Disorder or TRD. I may even petition the American Psychiatric Association to add TRD to the DSM-IV - the shrinks' "official" manual of mental disorders.

Air Rage Initially, the Institute will treat TRD that expresses itself as air rage, or TRD-AR. This condition reached new levels of violence this year with a couple of well-publicized events. First there was Peter Bradley, who, suffering from encephalitis (yeah, right, encephalitis), almost brought down a San Francisco bound Alaskan Airlines flight. Later in the year, Jonathan Becker was killed by other passengers who were preventing him from entering the cockpit of a Southwest Airlines flight into Salt Lake City. There appears to be plenty of opportunity to treat TRD-AR patients.

[By the way, flight attendants will be trying another approach to treating air rage this weekend as they distribute information at airports to publicize its on-going problem. See Michael Sheffer's Skyrage Web site for information.]

Cab Rage Following the successful treatment of TRD-AR, the Institute will move into the area of treating travelers who fall victim of cab rage, or TRD-CR. These patients are usually identified by dilated eyes and empty wallets due to riding in taxis that sometimes approach the speed of sound on busy city streets and at the same time manage to take the longest routes between departure and destinations points. Treatment typically requires 72-hours exposure to Perry Como or Montavani compositions.

Restaurant Rage I see TRD-RR becoming a more common diagnosis as business success feeds the narcissistic tendencies of professionals who cannot be out of touch from their offices for more than a few minutes at a time. Beepers, cell phones, and web-enabled Palm Pilot's are replacing dinner conversation and casual chit-chat. The prescription for TRD-RR is simple: Ask to be seated in the non-electronic sections of restaurants.

(What?! There's no legislation that requires restaurants to section off non-electronic areas? Well there should be! It's a damn shame! Those self-important business punks with their wireless devices oughta be hung by their t… Okay. Okay. Time out while I put on Montavani. Okay. I'm better now. Okay.)

Hotel Rage Finally the Institute will treat travelers like the businessman whose plight was responsible for the Institute's establishment: Those who are pushed around by hotels. These sufferers are easy to diagnose but much less easy to treat. Associated symptoms of TRD-HR include sleeplessness due to all-night parties in nearby rooms, shoulder pain from schlepping luggage to the outer reaches of hotel properties, and blistered skin from standing in showers as neighboring toilets are flushed. Though quite common, TRD-HR is the most difficult to treat because many times few options are available. (Express your dissatisfaction with a registration clerk at a hotel in Las Vegas during the week of COMDEX, for instance, and you'll find yourself staying at a motel in Needles.)

The Institute will be adding other programs - some on an outpatient basis, others requiring a 28-day residency - as it moves into the areas of treating TRD-kop (Kids On Planes), TRD-dra (Dufus Reservation Agents), and - my favorite - TRD-stw (Smart-ass Travel Writers).

Dr. Terry Riley is a psychologist and travel security authority. His column appears on Wednesdays. He is author of the popular book Travel Can Be Murder. Visit his site at http://www.appliedpsychology.com or e-mail him at terry@ticked.com.