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Mean Attendants
ChrisCrossings · April 5, 2001

Q: Why are flight attendants getting meaner? Because the traveling public is getting meaner. It is a war of wills. The public thinks it is entitled to service when in reality the airline industry quit being a service industry long ago.

The airline industry is a commodity now, like orange juice, for example. The airlines know it. And as such, they crowd passengers into cabins with seat pitches that are barely survivable in a crash so they can make more money.

Where does the money go? Not to the front-line people who deal with the customers, but to the top executives who pat themselves on the back for keeping costs low.

And the passengers are crabby because they have no service. Meals are almost nonexistent these days. Planes are crowded and flights are late, so they take it out on the closest representatives, the flight attendant.

A word of wisdom from an industry veteran: befriend the flight attendant. As a dear co-worker of mine used to say in her safety announcement, "In the event of an emergency, why should I save your sorry little life if you treat me like a cocktail waitress the entire flight?"

-- Parker Nolen

A: Someone should really tell travelers that the airline industry isn't a service.

The message may have gotten through to the business travelers who queue up in long lines in front of a hapless gate agent, hoping to score a standby first-class seat minutes before the flight leaves. But the occasional tourists who fly once or twice a year and still refer to cabin crew as "stewardesses" should get a primer on flying in the 21st century.

Actually, you can blame the likes of us for perpetuating this dangerous myth that air travel should be enjoyable. Have you paged through a travel magazine lately? Have you clicked on one of the popular travel sites? Travel writers make air travel seem glamorous and exciting, just like it was before deregulation. The reason: for them, it is. Travel journalists routinely get upgraded, mostly so that they won't report what happens in the "back of the bus." In the unlikely even that they do, there are always editors - controlled by the advertising department - who delete material that may make an airline feel uneasy.

I think the aviation industry is also directly to blame for perpetuating this dangerous myth. It airs commercials that depict a caring cabin crew doting on customers, flying the "friendly" skies. In reality, many flight attendants hate their jobs, they hate their employers and they often hate the passengers that they have to serve. (Oops, did I write "serve" - see, there I go again.)

So what, exactly, is the role of a modern-day air host?

If flight attendants are there for our security alone, then let's dispense with the "service" pretenses and hire off-duty police officers to corral passengers into the plane and ensure that they don't succumb to the inevitable fit of air rage. No more food, no more drinks, no more, "may I get you a pillow or blanket?" Instead of weight and height restrictions, let's have weight and height minimums so that the crew could handle any kind security incident.

Or maybe we should further segment the classes. Staff the first-class cabin with honest-to-goodness waiters that rush over to refill your wine glass, but back them up with Mr. Universe lurking in the galley just in case one of the travelers drinks a little too much and mistakes the food cart for the WC. In the back of the plane - who cares about the back of the plane? - we'll have the rent-a-cops. Want a soda? Get it yourself.

The myth of air travel is that it's enjoyable and enchanting. The reality is that it's anything but that.

We can't allow service levels to deteriorate any further (yes, service levels) because if we do, we could very well end up being treated like prisoners on the plane. Think I'm kidding? There are a number of organizations that already train flight attendants to handle passenger "emergencies" by giving them tips in hand-to-hand combat. And you've gotta wonder what else those new defibrillators can be used for …

If air travel is really a commodity like cattle, then don't be surprised if passengers begin acting like it. Don't blame them for acting like it, either.

Christopher Elliott's column appears on Thursdays. All e-mailed questions to ChrisCrossings become property of Ticked.com and may be edited, condensed or republished at the site's discretion. You may reach Elliott at chris@ticked.com. Or visit his home page at http://www.elliott.org.