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Fliers Unite!
ChrisCrossings · May 18, 2000

Q: Years ago, my aunt and I flew from San Francisco to Boston on United Airlines to connect to a Swissair flight to Zurich. We were on coach on United and we sat in a roomy lounge in the rear of the 747 and played cards while the stewardess - as they were then called - brought us coffee and soft drinks. It was so civilized.

In fact, I remember that when the 747 was introduced, most of them had coach-class lounges in the back and first class lounges up stairs. Also, they were designed to be boarded from front and back doors at the same time. When have you ever seen that done?

I remember flying to Honolulu on United on a 747 soon after they were introduced. They had live entertainment. Two guys playing instruments and a young lady dancing the hula!

Going back even further, on my first flight to Europe in 1960, I flew a DC-8 on SAS from Los Angeles to Copenhagen. I was in coach and had three seats to myself. I stretched across them to sleep with my head on my aisle armrest. Eventually, I felt a hand gently lift my head and slip a pillow underneath.

Later, beautiful open-faced sandwiches were passed around on a big silver tray by one of the stewards. Fresh-squeezed orange juice with breakfast. Oh my, those were the days.

Compare that to a recent quick trip I made to Las Vegas from San Francisco on United Shuttle. I was in the very last row of a 737, knees in my face, not an empty seat on the plane and only two toilets (one in front, one in back) for the entire plane. I had requested an aisle seat as far forward as possible on check in - no advance seat assignments on the shuttle - and the check-in agent OKd and handed me my boarding pass. I guess far forward meant back row to her. I was escorting a group of 33 people, which obviously did not cut any ice with her.

I know you knocked American about the extra room, but at least it is a step in the right direction. When is there going to be a passenger revolt?

-- Tom Baker

A: I don't want anyone to think I'm opposed to the American Airlines decision to add legroom to its economy class seats. In my previous column about seat size, I just wondered if the carrier deserved all of the positive publicity that it was getting.

Let me try to put the whole debate into culinary terms. Imagine that for years, you've been buying a dozen donuts at the grocery store. And the government regulated the sale of these baked goods, mandating, for example, that a when you buy a package labeled "dozen" donuts, you'll actually get 12 of them.

Then, under pressure from the donut lobby, the government backs off. The donuts become smaller. In some cases, when you buy a package, you end up with 11 or even 9. Consumers are upset, but the price of donuts is falling, too, because of increased competition from low-cost bakeries. The donut makers say they're just giving customers what they want.

One day, the largest donut manufacturer has an inspired idea: let's put 12 donuts in our package of a dozen. It unveils the concept at a Washington press conference, and the media goes gaga. At last, they giddily report, someone has heard the complaints and done something about them.

To take the analogy just one step further, the big bakery doesn't mention that the improvements won't cost it anything. It's just found a way to take the excess dough that fell on the factory floor and reprocess it into another donut.

Shoot my metaphor full of holes if you must (no pun intended) but grant me this one point: There's nothing to be ecstatic about in the American Airlines news. The carrier is just loosening the vise grip a little bit.

My sources tell me that the other major carriers are now scrambling to increase their seat pitch in economy class. One big challenge is figuring out how to rewire the aircraft interior. I'm also being told that the next big push will be in widening the steerage seats, which currently are about 16 ½ inches from armrest to armrest.

I can only imagine what our friends at Delta, TWA, Northwest and US Airways will do to put a positive spin on their inevitable "me too" action. This ought to be fun to watch, especially for those of us who remember the way it was before the Carter administration made its second-biggest mistake (after that hostage thing) - deregulating the airline business.

When is there going to be a passenger revolt? Don't hold your breath for one. I've already written about what it would take for a real "revolution" but I'm not sure that one is possible at the moment. You've gotta hand it to the airline business for their clever response to the public outcry over flying conditions. The airlines have shown just how cunning they can be.

Like a skilled torturer who takes his victim to the brink of passing out before easing the screws, the carriers have waited until the outcry from customers was almost deafening before reacting. Confronted with the emergence of a grassroots passenger rights movement and with the prospect of government re-regulation on the Capitol Hill agenda, the airline industry has backpedaled - but just enough to keep it out of trouble.

That kind of shrewdness is welcome news to airline shareholders, but it's reprehensible to customers.

Christopher Elliott's column appears on Thursdays. All e-mailed questions to ChrisCrossings become property of Ticked.com and may be edited, condensed or republished at the site's discretion. You may reach Elliott at chris@ticked.com. Or visit his home page at http://www.elliott.org.