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(c) Elliott Publishing.

Stop Screaming!
ChrisCrossings · December 7, 2000

Q: I hope you can help make a change in airline service. More often than not, babies on airplanes are screaming at take-off and landing because of discomfort caused by the cabin's air pressure adjustment.

A pacifier, or better yet, a bottle with liquid in the mouths of these babies will quell much of the discomfort they feel. If airlines offered a bottle of water or gave parents a flyer about what's happening physically to their kid so they would give their kid pacifier or feed them (bottle or "breast is best"), this problem could be reduced dramatically.

No one at the airlines seems to be communicating this to new parents, let alone offering a solution.

-- Dawn Stranne

A: Let me be right up front about my bias. I don't have any children, and I tend to agree with the results of the latest Ticked.com poll, in which a majority of travelers voted to ban screaming infants from the first-class cabin.

I'm also less than enthusiastic about the "family travel" niche, but for more personal reasons. When my editors began insisting that I write more "how to" columns about traveling with kids, I walked away from my last job. What's the point of some 30-something single guy covering an aspect of travel he knows nothing about?

So, now that I've gotten that out of the way, let me ask you a question. Have you checked out your airline's Web site lately? Many carriers now offer detailed instructions about flying, including information on traveling with young ones. (I haven't been able to find anything about the equalization troubles, though.)

Airlines don't have to report the number of kids they carry, according to the Air Transport Association, a Washington trade association for the airline industry. So they don't. However, as the holidays approach, I think it's a given that there will be more families - and by implication, children - taking to the skies.

But let's get a reality check. The airline industry would do pathetic job of seeing to it that babies have something to suck on during takeoff and landing, if past experience is any indicator of future performance.

Many passengers are uneasy about breastfeeding in public, and the last thing I'd want to support is some kind of crewmember involvement in the process. Similarly, I think that equipping flight attendants with pacifiers or milk bottles would already add to what is already a very long list of pre-flight things to do. I can only imagine what that task would look like on a union contract.

I'd rather educate parents who are flying - and other travelers.

For example, all passengers ought to prepare for the worst when they board a plane. They could get stuck next to a screaming child. Psychologists like Stevanne Auerbach recommend bringing a game, toy or puppet with you even if you don't have any kids. It could occupy - and pacify - the child sitting next to you for the duration of the flight.

Another tip: feed the little rugrats. When a child is eating candy, it can't whine. But careful not to overdo it: too many sweets can make a young passenger hyperactive. Finally, if the children won't shut up, try to move. Unless, of course, they're your kids, in which case I might be able to recommend a mild sedative - for you.

Now before any of you e-mail me to tell me how insensitive I am, pay attention. Flight attendants are not babysitters. The airline didn't force you to take junior on your trip. Making sure an infant doesn't whine nonstop on between Washington and Dallas is ultimately a parent's responsibility. So is reading up on ways to prevent your offspring from screaming all the way to your destination.

Parents who can't accept that probably shouldn't be having kids in the first place.

Christopher Elliott's column appears on Thursdays. All e-mailed questions to ChrisCrossings become property of Ticked.com and may be edited, condensed or republished at the site's discretion. You may reach Elliott at chris@ticked.com. Or visit his home page at http://www.elliott.org.