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When Pigs Fly
Cheap Charlie · January 15, 2001

You have probably heard the story about the 300-pound pig that managed to fly in first class on US Airways. Though originally tempted, I decided not to make a fuss over the incident because the major media already were having a field day with the story. It would have been a cheap shot.

A story in this week's paper, however, prompted this indignant column. I'm amazed and baffled at our airline industry. I'm even more amazed at the Federal Aviation Administration, the "controlling legal authority" of aviation.

According to the Associated Press, "US Airways acted reasonably when it allowed a pig to fly first class from Philadelphia to Seattle, the Federal Aviation Administration has found."

That is a quote. I did not make it up.

There's more, according to AP, "'US Airways and its personnel acted in a reasonable and thoughtful manner, based on a legitimate request to transport a qualified individual with a disability and her service animal,' said FAA spokesman Jim Peters."

It's official now. Pigs get royal first-class treatment, and for free.

A couple of summers ago, I detailed America Airlines' treatment of a passenger with a broken ankle and open wound traveling from Spain to San Francisco. He should have asked to be treated like a pig.

American Airlines could not even arrange for an empty seat next to a six-foot, six-inch tall human being forced to sit against the rear bulkhead in a middle seat. (This was before AA's celebrated removal of coach seats.) His "service human being" -- his wife -- was forced to stand most of the flight to leave him with adequate space for his ankle, which was in an unbendable cast.

To this day, AA claims it was only following "policy," though we later learned there were empty seats in business class. AA could have upgraded one frequent flyer -- who would have been delighted -- to free up one seat next to this wounded passenger. Unfortunately, I suppose these requests are only granted to pigs, following FAA guidance.

Several years ago, I had a first class ticket on Delta Air Lines flying from Salt Lake City to Anchorage, Alaska. My parents were flying on the same flight in the back of the plane, having connected with me for this last leg of the journey. I checked into having them upgraded, but first class was full.

Now, anyone who knows me knows I can schmooze with the best. I fly standby all the time. I get upgraded regularly. Heck, I'm a nice guy.

I exchanged seats with my 73-year-old mother so she could be up in first class for the first time in her life, and I sat in coach with my father. I thought this was a reasonable move. However, the flight attendant protested that I could not exchange my seat with my mother. According to the flight attendant, first class seats are nontransferable.

I spoke with the flight attendant away from my mother and out of range of the other passengers. I suggested that she speak with the captain to get permission for an exception to the rule -- if there was indeed one -- but she refused.

I then said that she obviously had the option to have me arrested because I was not going to move my mother back to coach. I asked her what she would do if it were her mother. The flight attendant finally relented, and the trip was fine. My mother had a wonderful flight.

With this new FAA-condoned approach to flying pig etiquette, potbellied pigs seem to be treated better than 73-year-old human being grandmothers -- certainly far better than wounded human beings and their human assistants.

The original incident was amusing. The FAA ruling is sickening. Try getting any airline to allow a 300-pound therapeutic human companion to fly for free, in first class no less.

My cynicism is only exceeded by reality.

Charlie Leocha is the Boston-based author of Travel Rights: Know the Rules of the Road and the Air Before You Go. Cheap Charlie appears every Monday on this site. E-mail him at leocha@aol.com or access his Web site.