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(c) Elliott Publishing.

Service, My %$#^!
Cheap Charlie · October 6, 1999

I almost can't stomach it. Over the past two weeks, newspapers have dribbled out stories about the airlines' "new" voluntary airline customer service plans.

Think back. Do you remember any hoopla? Did any of your friends comment on these new plans in the midst of unprecedented "air rage"?

I don't think so.

I don't think anyone in America believes the airlines anymore. What ever they say in their press releases has never had anything to do with reality. So why begin to pay attention to what they are saying now?

The Air Transport Association released the basics on the proposed "improvements." Strangely, not one improvement is new. Not one improvement is any different from the basic airline contract of carriage that these same airlines have been keeping semisecret behind the counter for years.

I don't want to insult your intelligence with a rehash of the "new voluntary plans." Here, I list where you can read the fine and not-so-fine print for yourselves. The big news is that now some of the airlines are declaring that they really are committed to nothing.

In fact American Airlines has come out and stated, " The Customer Service Plan does not create contractual or legal rights. " Amazingly, they finish their treatise on customer service with the most customer-service of all remarks -- " We are not responsible for any special, incidental, or consequential damages for delays, cancellations, lost baggage, late refunds, or instances in which we do not meet our service goals."

Gosh guys.

We promise that we'll try to give you customer service. We promise you that we will try to treat you like human beings. But, if you don't get what we promise in our ads and through our multi-million dollar public relations campaigns, if you feel like a duffel bag, we aren't not responsible.

At least American Airlines dropped that small "truth" into their published plan. All the other airlines highlight that this is a "voluntary" plan. There is no force of law. The bottom line -- get ready for more of the same. For all the bells and whistles, we are getting more of the same "customer service."

Here are other airlines with plans on the Web:

United Airlines is making a "sincere" promise. Northwest is vowing to put Customers First. Their plan seems to offer more specifics than most of the others. Delta lets you download a .pdf file from its site. Continental has its version of Customer First with a downloadable .pdf file. US Airways lays out its program in pieces.

Charlie Leocha is the Boston-based author of Travel Rights: Know the Rules of the Road and the Air Before You Go. Cheap Charlie appears every Monday on this site. E-mail him at cheapch@aol.com or access his Web site.